Could Just Be the Words

I was actually just listening to some 'stuff' at work with the headphones on and ....

I wish we said I love you more growing up
I wish my father started showing up
More during my childhood
I wish I’d seen it
And not just when I got older with money to borrow
I wish I couldn’t say f*** him and mean it
I say God forgive me for my sins
But God says ... "James, come back when mean it”
And he’s right, I really don’t.
Still I act like it’s ok
He said ‘if you love me, you’d follow me’
I don’t follow… aint nothing to say

End of story

I wish 'the str8 and narrow' didn't bore me
Not thinking about it helps though
Seems like my prayers have strep throat
Cuz I prayed to stop thinking about my ex
But she still be running through my mind
So my thoughts don’t spend time
Where they need to be
My current girl be seeing me
But I don’t think she knows me
I wish I knew my self more
I wish I could help more
How?
I wish I could call it
I wish my uncle aint die an alcoholic
I wish I were a b-baller
You’d see my on TV
Wearing tattoos with a hidden deep message
I wish I could learn the messge in life’s lessons
Without going through the trouble
I wish I could shave with no stubble
I wish I were a man of my word
And possible a man of the Word
And Not of the World
I wonder if my mom was Muslim…
Would I be too?
I wish I knew

I wish I hadn't lied so much
That now I wonder what’s really true
I wish I aint say ‘I love you’
to women I only liked
I wish it didn’t feel so good
Not to do right
i wish it wouldn’t be the truth
and could just be words I write

i wish u could read this

and not ask if it's my real life

and would just say 'hey, that's real nice'

or 'i relate.. dude u real right!'

i'd simply smile...slight

then wish it wouldn't be the truth

and could just be the words I write

I'm OPEN

I’m open
With deep breathes
And long looks down blurry paths

I’m open
To all we can be
When days pass
And frowns
Outlast the laughs

When ain't nuffin going right
And burdens aint light
When separation goes from NEVER
To maybe
From maybe to might

I’m open
To u stripping to your empirical element
Uncovering those layers at the door

I’m open to being sore
if it means we retain the integrity of who we are
Of that, I’m open to more

I’m open
To letting u in
Slowly sharing bits of my soul

To making a decision to do this
Committing to my part
Allowing you to complete your role

I’m open
To breathing your desires
Each day blessing your song

I’m open to knowing
That even when the grass is greener in other places
Its color doesn’t last as long
Your tone has me running in circles
It’s YOUR deep hue that keeps me strong


I’m open to naked fears
With faith and security I’m dress them

If I had the time I’d count each of your dreams
Individually kiss them
And bless them

I’m open
To our layers
And our prayers
To the love vocals we sing

I’m open
To seeking you deep in Him
Finding and keeping
My good thing

Awww... I wrote this a few weeks ago and felt so-so about it ... but reading it again. I likes it...
thoughts...

Even when you were tired of being alone.. were you really ready to make yourself 'open?'
I know that I was not for so long...